Tupelo Honey

catching up.

SPRING(ing forward). 

this blog post has been a long time coming. 2 yrs, to be exact. it’s been 2 yrs since we moved to delaware. 2 years longer than i ever expected to be here.

you see, delaware was never in ‘the plan’… the master plan… what andy and i always refer to as the big picture. ‘the plan’ was always: go to philadelphia. do the law school/nursing school thing. live the big city life for a few years. grow. learn. become. explore. and then move back to where it all began for us, settle down, and plant our roots in raleigh.

that was always the plan. and if you know me, you know i need a plan… a game plan. 

but just because delaware was never in our plan doesn’t mean i don’t love delaware, because i do. i really, truly do. 

the only problem with delaware is that it isn’t raleigh. and since raleigh is where we have carefully chosen to raise our family, it’s really hard for me to see myself anywhere but there. i’m very impatient. it’s why i walk so fast. i’m trying to get to my destination. 

when we first moved to delaware, i thought it was temporary. we had been living in this incredible rowhome in philly, i was about to graduate from nursing school, and andy was commuting to DE everyday for work. the gentleman that owned the house we were renting decided to move back in. we moved to DE because i was going to be home all day studying for boards and i didn’t want andy commuting anymore. we got pregnant the same month i graduated. instead of getting out and meeting people, i spent the first few months here studying. once i passed boards, i focused on finding a job. then we had to prepare for the baby. my biggest regret was that i spent so much time trying to fill my days with things to do to pass the time until it was time to move on that i stopped living. i was just existing. i knew no one here (except for our family) and i was lonely… so lonely. i think that’s why i got so involved with social media. all of my IRL, out of town friends were just a click away. i was basically living with one foot out the door, and trust me, that is no way to live. it’ll drive you crazy.

reasons kept coming up as to why we were putting off moving to raleigh. we just had a baby. we were stuck in a lease. the bar exam (grrrrrrr). the timing wasn’t right. the job market is bad. we’re stuck in another lease. blah blah blah. but after that little ‘come to jesus’ moment that took place a few weeks back on my living room floor, i’ve (finally) come to terms with the fact that some things don’t always go according to plan, and those things are entirely out of my control. for a control freak like me, those are some pretty tough words to swallow. 

so here i sit, typing away, springing forward with an entirely different attitude. and i promise you, it’s genuine. raleigh isn’t going anywhere, and for the time being, neither are we. 

but seriously, when are we moving to raleigh?

the short answer we give everyone now is “we don’t know”.

the answer we tell ourselves is “someday. it’ll happen, eventually. maybe after this 2nd baby is born, maybe next spring, maybe 5 yrs from now.” but we have to trust that god has a bigger plan for us, and when it’s our time, we’ll know”.

even though things aren’t going according to plan, life is really, really good right now. some days i’d say perfect (for us). i lost sight of that for a while. we are so blessed. andy has a secure job that he kicks some serious @ss at, and it pays the bills. we just moved into a house home that we both adore, we’re so much happier here. i’m a successful nurse who is proud of what i do every second of every day. i’m able to make money doing what i’m most passionate about. i make my own hours, i’m a PT stay-at-home mom. it’s seriously the best of both worlds. living in DE has also given me the opportunity to work hand-in-hand with some insanely intelligent doctors, nurses, and medical professionals in the OR, the PACU, and the ER in one of the most state-of-the-art pediatric facilities in the country. not only are we 5 minutes from andy’s family, but my sister-in-law just graduated and moved home for the summer. my mother-in-law cares for madeline on the days that i work so i can go out and help provide for my family without an ounce of worry or guilt. i am beyond thankful for her and the opportunity she is giving andy and i to pursue our dreams as she cares for our child. god bless andy’s parents, they are two of the very best human beings you will ever meet.

so when i have my days where i’m frustrated with the progression of our master plan, i stop, take a deep breath, maybe walk a little slower, remember my good fortunes… and suddenly, things don’t seem so bad anymore, and i learn to let go of the control.